What is the Golden Uterus Complex and Are YOU a victim?
Most mothers reflect fondly upon the day their children were born as one that tested her strength, her faith, her pain tolerance and her undying love for a child she’d never met. The birth bond is so strong that every mother could probably recount everything leading up to the moment her child was born.
When it comes to their children, mothers are selfless and fearless. There is nothing she wouldn’t do to protect her children and rear them into the adults she envisions them to be. Society expects nothing less from mothers. In fact, society pushes such an over-inflated view of motherhood that many mothers feel guilty for working outside the home and question the possibility of fulfilling their own personal needs. Most mothers opt out of doing anything she deems counterproductive to her vision of motherhood even if she loses her sense of self along the way.
This over inflated view of motherhood can often lead to a golden uterus complex (GUC), also known as golden uterus syndrome (GUS). In life there’s almost always a dark side, and the GUC/GUS is the dark side of motherhood.
A golden uterus sufferer has a belief that her children’s best interest and hers are synonymous. The father’s needs and desires are irrelevant to her. She believes herself and her children to be a single unit. For the children, it’s a symbiotic relationship in which the mother feeds off her child because motherhood makes her feel special, and all powerful.
The women with GUC are often the same ones who call women who chose not to have children selfish. Her sense of importance and self worth comes solely from being a mother. She most likely has little else going on in her life, so she places all her hopes and dreams upon her children, often living vicariously through them.
The children are completely unaware of how unhealthy and abnormal this is. The child is placed on a pedestal alongside their mother and they are led to believe the world owes them as much as their mothers lead them to believe it does. The relationship is a crippling one because the golden uterus mother feeds toxic negative energy into the child that makes bonding with other adults nearly impossible.
Many children with golden uterus mothers are made to feel guilty for loving other adults, especially their fathers. They often end up confused within an internal battle with themselves about who they should love because their mother makes them believe that loving someone else is causing her pain. The last thing a child wants to do is hurt their own mother. So the golden uterus becomes almost godlike to the child and she gladly takes on that role as if she’s Mary Magdalene.
In the 2015 article, Is Your Golden Uterus Making You a Bad Ex-wife and Single Mom?, Emma Johnson, a writer for the blog wealthysinglemommy.com, said she believes the GUC leads to mothers who prioritize their children above husbands and serious boyfriends and also leads to over-parented children who grow up to be incompetent adults.
She just might be onto something. According the childstats.gov, in 1980 almost 18% of children lived with their mother only. That number rose to 23.5% by 2016 while it went from 2% of children living with their father only in 1980 to 4.1% in 2016. These numbers show that mothers are often the primary or sole caregivers whether the fathers are considered deadbeat dads or not.
For father’s there’s nothing more detrimental to his relationship with his child than a golden uterus. She in essence, becomes his absolute worst nightmare. He is nothing more than a means to an end to her. As far as she is concerned, his sole purpose in her child’s life is to fund the child’s lifestyle as only she sees fit. In her mind, he must parent the child as she expects him to. She will try to control what happens at his house. She will often interrupt his parenting time by making unnecessary demands simply because she misses her child. She is completely unconcerned with her child’s bond with the father because it is of no importance to her. After all, her feelings are what matters most.
The GUC is also a major headache for any love interest or new wife in the father’s life. To the golden uterus, a stepmother is a nuisance that should becomes her child’s servant. She is expected to care for the child as if the child is her own, but if she attempts to parent the child or offer a loving bond to the child, she’s deemed an intruder who has crossed a line and is treated as a handmaiden by the golden uterus. A stepmother who attempts to overcome the perils of interactions with a golden uterus is often met with false accusations and claims of mistreatment from children.
So how does one get from under the fangs of a golden uterus?
- You simply must not feed the beast. Men who cater to the whims of a golden uterus under the guise of keeping the peace only make matters worse. Instead they should make every effort to ignore her, show no emotion, be firm and consistent in his actions, and he should not address the behavior at all. When a man entertains a golden uterus, he enables the growth of her psychosis. Instead, if he ignores her actions (and chooses parallel parenting until she can handle co-parenting) he can maintain a healthy emotional relationship with his children.
- Don’t attempt to knock a golden uterus off her pedestal. It’s pointless. She will just place herself back on it and play the victim. The sole focus should be on providing the best possible home environment for the child while also happily living your best life because nothing cracks the facade a golden uterus has built for her child, more than a loving, caring father.
- A woman with a golden uterus automatically assumes she’s the superior parent. Therefore she literally believes, “Mommy knows best.” To get around this, simply don’t allow her to make parenting demands for your home. She has her own home in which certain rules and parenting styles apply. There is no law in the United States that allowed one co-parent to dictate the exact actions of the other parent’s house. Instead of reminding her of this, opt for getting her to agree to certain rules that you will both follow in both homes. Don’t bother saying what you won’t agree to, just make a decision not to do it. Simple as that.
- The golden uterus will undoubtedly attempt to exclude the new girlfriend or new wife. If your intentions are to be together for the long haul you must make her a priority in your life and make it well known, so the children and ex will understand she’s not going anywhere. You are the sole best method of defense for your new significant other against a GUC. If you don’t stand up for her, she will begin to resent you and feel that you favor the ex over her.
- Always put the child’s need above petty differences. While there’s nothing worse than having to grieve the loss of time with a child, you cannot make it obvious that you are stressed or unhappy about a custody arrangement as this will leave the child feeling conflicted. You don’t want your child to wonder who he/she should favor. Instead, make the time with your child worth it. Make the extra effort to do something special and to make an impact on your child. Eventually kids grow up and they will remember the little things that you did. Even if you’re forced into being a weekend dad; be the best weekend dad you can be. Show up however often you can for all the events and occasions that your child will remember most. Your love will most certainly trump any toxic relationship he/she has with a golden uterus mother.
While these five tips are not the end all be all to combating a woman with a golden uterus complex, they are just enough to help you stay focused on your goal of healthy co-parenting and on being the best parent you can be. A woman with a golden uterus complex will seem like she’s winning, but the reality is someday she will have to face her own demons and deal with a child who will expect her to answer for her actions.
I’m doing a #QuickChat with Single Dad, Will Carr @willpowerproducts. He discusses going from a Single dude to a Single Dad and how his life has changed dramatically since he’s become Blakely’s custodial parent. Isn’t she scrumptious!?!?
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Oh and have you seen those online ads ‘Single Mom makes money from home’? Well Will is actually a real life human that has managed to do that. I’m personally amazed at his experience and I can’t wait for this discussion.
Will also chronicles his daddy/daughter experiences on Blakelyandme.com.
