I know a few parents that have #Alientated their kids against their coparent. Some have been unintentional occurrences of making back biting comments or expressing unnecessary feelings in front of the child. Others are more overt, like blocking phone calls, making demands beyond court orders, telling the kids their parent does not love them etc. #ParentAlalienation is ABUSE.
If you have noticed some of these behaviors surfacing in your own life, hold yourself accountable. We can all keep ourselves and our emotions in check.
1. Parents, control your urge to badmouth your coparent. Refocus your energy or walk away. You can also find an adult to speak to about your issues with your coparent.
2. Badmouthing a parent makes a child want to defend them and in turn the child empathizes with the alienated parent. Ultimately you become the bad guy. Your child is still half of their other parent. When you express your hatred for their parent, your child feels insignificant.
3. You are considered an abusive parent if you commit emotionally abrasive acts against your child. Parental Alienation is abuse. It leaves scars that cannot be seen, but the effects are felt well into your child’s life.
4. Explore your anger against your coparent. Why are you so angry? Are you still reeling from the breakup? Are you upset that your coparent is not as active as you would like them to be? Whatever the reason for your anger, it is consuming you and the way you parent. It is your responsibility to absolve yourself from the binds of pain.
5. Many parents alienate under the guise of “protecting their children”. Do not excuse proper parenting with manipulative behavior.
6. You don’t have to like your coparent, but do not allow your child to be affected by your unresolved issues. Isolating your emotions in order to protect your child may be difficult, but it is a worthy action.
In the Blended and Black Book Club, we are covering TD Jakes Let It Go Book and Workbook. One of my favorite quotes is
Unforgiveness denies the VICTIM (you) the possibility of parole and leaves them stuck in the prison of what was, incarcerating them in their trauma and relinquishing the chance to escape beyond the pain.
TD Jakes, “Let It Go”