by Jennifer Pink
Here’s the question of the day? Are you a high conflict bio parent?
In the @VIPStepmom community we use abbreviations or terms instead of names to describe the person we are referring to. One commonly used phrase is HCBM “High Conflict Bio Mom”. In all fairness for the sake of this blog I decided to write about the HCBP “High Conflict Bio Parent” because sometimes men are high conflict too.
In all my years as a single mom life coach I have yet to meet a single mom that thought she was high conflict. In all my years of living I have yet to meet a person that thought they were high conflict. Everyone has a reason for why they act the way they act, everyone feels they have a right to be how they are; no matter how crazy, wrong and absurd their reason they feel it’s good enough. All of this made me realize, they have no clue most of the time that they are high conflict and if they know they are stirring up mess they have no real idea of what the mess they are stirring is really producing.
Aside from the crack-head, the mentally incompetent and the I never want/wanted to be a parent anyway just about everyone thinks they are doing what’s best in their situation. Yes, even the deadbeat, non-consistent parent thinks on some level they are doing what’s best. So, if everyone thinks they are doing their best how then can someone tell if they are being a High Conflict parent? The answer is EXTREMELY simple, so be careful because you might miss it.
If you aren’t willing to compromise, if you have any type of negative attitude in regards to your child’s other parent or their family/significant other, if you are automatically defensive, if you refuse or can’t listen you are most likely a High Conflict Bio Parent. Notice it has NOTHING to do with your why, your excuses, your reasons it simply has to do with how you interact with the child’s other parent and their family/significant other.
If I take it a step further and give you the real tea MOST of our High Conflict behavior is rooted in our feelings towards the other parent vs any real word problems, issues or situations. This is why it is soooooooooooooo (not sure I have enough o’s to make my point) important to Let It Go!
XOXO Your Favorite Baby Mama Whisperer aka The Single Mom Sage,