The Beginning Stages of Stepmom Grief
My name is Jennifer with Blended Family Hell on Earth. I’ve been a bio mom for 28 years and a stepmom for almost 10 years. Collectively, Hubster and I have 6 kids ages 14, 17, 19 (his) & 21, 25, 28 (mine). In 2010, I went into this “last wife” relationship as a hopeful, romantic, positive-thinking, eager beaver with all expectations and intentions of having a God-loving, happy, healthy, whole family. Boy, was I wrong! Dead wrong. The large gap between my expectations versus my reality caused me extreme grief and regret.
By 2012-2013, I fully believed I’d made a huge mistake marrying a man with children or at least I’d made a huge mistake supporting him becoming the primary custodial parent and I plummeted full force into the stages of grief and regret. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression. Finally, I reached acceptance. But, it wasn’t a good or healthy acceptance. It was also coupled with somewhat of a midlife crisis. It sounded like this: acceptance that “I gave this family my best, youngest, happiest years and now I’m in my mid-40s, washed up, tired, and this is as good as it’s going to be until the kids are grown when I’m 50”. Acceptance that “maybe this is all that life has to offer”. Acceptance that “I made my bed getting married, now I get to sleep in it”. That just wasn’t good enough for me. I did not want to exist and survive, I wanted to be full and THRIVE again. I wanted that sparkle in my eye back. That thing I’d had before we married. When you want to lose weight or get in shape, you’ve got to take ACTION. You can’t just wish, hope and pray. Likewise, I knew that I would not reach my full potential in a blended family without real action and real change.
I started blogging, drafting a blended family book and journal, founded a blended family small group and went on the hunt for like-minded people who wanted MORE than a safe place to vent. And, guess what, I’m seeing that spark again! I’m excited and hopeful again. But it did not come without work on my end. When I discovered Naja Hall & VIP Stepmom, I was so impressed with the layout, tools, resources and LOVED that she already had what was needed right now for stepmoms to help coach, train and challenge them to change their mindset, help them heal, help them grow, and most importantly help them THRIVE rather than simply survive. In 2020, I will be working through Naja Hall’s journal for stepmoms “Girl, Bye” with my personal group beginning the week of January 6 and sharing some of the nuggets, reviews, and mind-shifting, empowering lessons learned right here with YOU ladies at VIP Stepmom.
If that is something that interests you and you would like to participate in, grab yourself a copy of the Journal within the next week or two and meet me back right here at the VIPStepmom blog.
You can browse the journal cover options and get your copy right HERE.
~Jennifer
