Dealing With a Partner That Cannot Set Boundaries
Limits are essential for all interactions, even if they’re not romantic. Relationship boundaries define the unwanted behaviors of your partner. This article lists the boundaries you can set without endangering your relationship.
Let’s say you’ve met the love of your life through Dating Rating. Your partner ticks all your boxes except for one small detail; they don’t understand your relationship boundaries. But you don’t blame them. After all, love demands you accommodate your partner into your space without restrictions, right? Wrong! Relationships without boundaries end in resentment.
Relationship Boundaries to Set
Healthy relationships have boundaries. The relationships boundaries can either be:
These relationships boundaries cover your response to touch, personal space, and needs, such as food and rest. As such, your partner crosses the line when they kiss you in front of other people despite knowing you hate public displays. Other violations include reading your journal and bringing a dog home when you have pet allergies.
Such boundaries focus on money and other valuable possessions like jewelry and property. These relationship boundaries are especially useful for couples with constant money fights; that way, you agree on savings, purchases, and entertainment expenses. Discuss your financial objectives beforehand if you’re creating a joint account with your spouse. But separate accounts don’t mean you doubt each other’s integrity or anticipate the relationship’s downfall; they’re just convenient to operate.
Reaching into your feelings is necessary for establishing these relationships limits. Apart from revealing your emotional capacity, the relationship boundaries determine your partner’s reactions to your feelings. Does opening up to your partner leave you more upset than relieved? If so, you could use relationship boundaries. You can ask your spouse to quit advising you when you’re stressed and listen.
These relationships boundaries protect your feelings when your thoughts and beliefs differ from your partner’s. Your spouse doesn’t respect your limits if they insult or talk down to you because of divergent views. Moreover, they should know the ideal time to raise particular topics. You could tell your partner, “This discussion is interesting, but can we have it after my birthday lunch?”
The discussions in these boundaries type relationships revolve around consent, contraception, protecting each other’s privacy, and voicing any discomfort. If sexual contact evokes traumatizing experiences, these relationships boundaries come in handy. You go out of line when you make unwanted sexual remarks, criticize your partner’s preferences, and conceal your health history and contraceptive use.
Setting the Boundaries
Since you’re the one making the rules, you decide when to set boundaries in relationships and how you have the discussion. As such, it’s not mandatory to have conversations about relationships boundaries face to face. You can email your partner or send them a text or letter. Writing eliminates the anxiety of meeting your spouse in person while guaranteeing the clarity of your message. Use the following tips to place relationship boundaries.
Self-knowledge provides insight into how your partner should treat you. Apart from your values and needs, define the deal-breakers. Create relationship boundaries if particular behaviors cause uneasiness or force you to compromise. This goes together with using “I” statements. Instead of saying, “You must respect my relationship boundaries” tell your partner, “I would appreciate it if you honor my relationship boundaries.”
Relationships boundaries violations may arise from misunderstanding rather than your partner’s desire to hurt you. Steer clear of vague statements like, “Pick the children from school more often” or “Don’t spend too much money.”
It involves fusing disapproval from your partner with compliments. Praising them first lowers their guard, so they’re comfortable to handle some criticism. Then you finish your conversations about relationship boundaries with more praise. For example, “I love spending time with you, but I don’t like the idea of a double date with your brother and his wife this weekend. Why don’t we order takeout and catch a movie instead?” Though the method isn’t foolproof, people receive criticism better if they feel understood.
Avoid manipulative relationships such as threatening to hurt yourself when your spouse fails to do something. Moreover, don’t set rules you cannot follow, for example, asking them to keep off your phone but wanting to check theirs.
Maintaining the Boundaries
Maintaining relationships boundaries is as crucial as setting them. You should keep your word and hold your partner accountable. Before you compromise, remember why the relationships boundaries matter to you. Although your spouse might not like your decision, they should respect it.
Don’t feel bad about leaving your partner if he/she doesn’t uphold the relationship boundaries; you’re taking care of your needs after all. How have you benefited from relationship boundaries in marriage? Please share your thoughts with us in the comment section below.
Michelle Austin is a guest blogger and copywriter with more than 3 years of experience in the psychology of family relationships category. She is a relationship coach for couples from Mansfield, OH. Her main goal is to help couples stay together in a healthy and strong relationship.