There is an inherent toxicity that occurs in the Stepmother/Biological mother dynamic. Just like cats and dogs are natural-born enemies, it is almost expected that a SM and BM will have a relationship built on contempt and competition. The fact of the matter is, when women work together for the betterment of the children that they are charged to raise, the children turn out far more well-rounded, they have more adults to love them, and they learn the importance of camaraderie and respect. If you are a person that is caught up in the tangled web of toxicity, it’s time to navigate the murky waters of negativity and get to the other side of peace. This book is not so much about you kissing and making up with the “other woman” in your life, it is a tool that focuses on your OWN personal peace. My Master Class, #GirlByeBook will help you achieve that! #LetsHeal #LetItGo #peace #blendedandblack #selfhelp #DoTheWork #StepAwayFromDrama www.GirlBye.info
Recently, a member of the Blended and Black Support Group posed a question to the community. Unfortunately, this question is all too common, but it does not have a simple answer. The motivations behind a person that is hell bent on destruction stem from their own inner turmoil. Instinctually, they are in pain and as a response, they intend to cause pain.
Q: Dear Naja, can you help me understand bitter mamas. I notice that when things go sour in a relationship, the first thing a woman does is to take away the kid(s) or try to get Biodad to lose his job. I say Biodad because I don’t see a lot of men doing this to women.
Blended and Confused
Men and bitterness
Bitter Betty’s are so common because, more often than not, women assume the custodial parenting role once a romantic relationship ends. It’s simply a game of probability. Thus women are the ones that are seeking child support. When men are the custodial parents, many do not seek child support because they deem it emasculating and adapt a false sense of pride in their ability to be a sole caretaker. Despite the child’s right to be financially supported by both parents, men do not hold non-custodial mothers to the same standards. On the other hand, when fathers become bitter, they withdraw support and may often totally detach from the child. Men have more of a propensity to become violent while women exact psychological and financial abuse.
Women and bitterness
Women that become bitter may have a pre-existing disposition that invites rage and anger once they lose control of a love relationship. When woman is a Bitter Betty, she is blinded by fury and revenge. Her main goal is to attack at the point of vulnerability and usually that is through hurting a man’s finances or alienating the relationship with his kids.
What’s Bitter Betty’s point?
If you have the misfortune to be the focal point of a scorned woman, then you know the discomfort that she can cause. The goal is to break a man financially, spiritually and emotionally. That’s it, that’s the whole point. When a mother is lead by vengeance, her path of destruction does not discriminate. Sadly, it is usually those in her direct path that suffer the brunt of the damage. The Bitter Betty herself and her children usually find themselves in the wake of destruction. The blind fury makes it nearly impossible for the Bitter Betty to comprehend that the man that is her target has removed himself from her direct vitriol.
When the Bitter Betty inevitably loses
If a man manages to persevere and not end up destitute and depressed, everything he loves becomes a focal point of attack. His relationships, his parenting skills and anything else that the Betty can siphon negativity into, become her lifeline. The laws of nature have taught us that every poison has an anecdote. The venom from the Bitter Betty in your life ends up penetrating her.
Beat the Bitter Betty at her own game
If you or someone you love is under attack by a Bitter Betty, the goal is to create impenetrable forces and keep the Bitter Betty out of the intricacies of your life. The less they are privy to, the better. This will not stop their path of destruction, they will simply make up lies in order to paint themselves as helpless victims to further their mission. All hope is not lost, eventually the Bitter Betty exposes herself and her lies become transparent and cause her own to self-destruction. The best offense is to live a GREAT DAMN LIFE and don’t let the negativity eat away at your peace. These times do not last always and in the end, good always prevails. Also, have a good lawyer, a meticulous strategy, proof to show your kids that you never gave up on them, a prayer partner and surround yourself with love.
If you need help dealing with the Bitter Betty in your life, take back your peace and check out my workbook, Girl, Bye! Not only do you get a hardcopy of the workbook, but you also get daily video lessons that accompany each daily lesson. There is also an exclusive Facebook group for everyone that has purchased the workbook. Ebook also available.
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