Too often women are saddled down with labels. We are constantly forced into a box of good, bad, worthy, unworthy and more. Women are seen as a second-class citizens in society and when it comes to parenting, there is no difference.
We often hear men speak on their bitter baby mommas. She doesn’t want to see him move on. She still wants him. She keeps the kid(s) from him and as the saying goes… behind every man… is a yapping woman. His current love interest tends to jump in as well with accusatory statements of how awful the ex is and how she refuses to acquiesce to their presence. The cycle of torn homes and poor co-parenting continues over a label.
There are some women out there who are, in fact, bitter. She made a decision that was life-altering hoping to have certain results that did not manifest, and now everyone shall feel that wrath. But what if I told you it is possible, that it is more likely, that you have an exhausted baby mamma? Yes ladies, clutch you pearls! She no longer wants your man, and fellas, it’s cool to be a dad even when you’re not her man. How is this possible, you may ask? Well let me walk you through the day in the life.
She wakes up, wakes up your child, and readies them both (for this story we are only going to use ONE child). That’s clothes, hygiene, breakfast, lunch prep and transportation, be it the bus or before school care. She is then dashing off to work, still with the child on her mind all day hoping to make it in time to not incur fees for being late to after care. Now they shuffle through traffic to get home, make dinner, get homework done, have bath time, bedtime and some of her own time. This is ONE day. and its a great day. It’s not one where the kid is sick, or has a fever or spills breakfast on their clothes, or overslept, or any of the hundreds of variables that happen in day-to-day parenting.
She does this day in and day out for YOUR child all with a smile, trying to hold it together, because you know we are meant to be strong, and independent and never let ’em see you sweat. She does her best to not speak against you, though its meltdown number three of the day. She’s trying to take a shower and left you five messages to see if you can pick your kid up. Through all of this she is footing the majority of the bill because 1/3 of your pay is NOT half of your child’s needs, and you decide that you will see your child every other weekend and once a week and strut up with an attitude and your carefree lifestyle complaining about parenting and finances.
She is exhausted, worn out and completely disenchanted with who she thought you were. She is more than willing to co-parent. She would love a 50/50 split without court involvement. She would love to have a rapport with your current love so she can have more hands on deck to raise your child. She is not bitter, she is marred by your choice to and the ease of walking away, moving on and daring to complain about the little that you do.
The day-to-day care of a child is life altering and exhausting. It takes every single bit of you and then demands more; it is not meant to be done alone. The adage that “it takes a village to raise a child” has lasted so long because of the truth it is forged in. She needs more than your fly-by-night parenting, and money. She needs presence, guidance, involvement, love and caring and only then will you not create a bitter baby mamma out of an exhausted one.
This week, call her up and say, “I’m going to kick it with the kids so you can get your nails done and grab a bite to eat.” You will see the difference and it will teach your children that even when life doesn’t go as planned, you still can make the best of a bad situation.